From Goodes to Great

There are great players in very team. There are great leaders at every club. There are great supporters and great journalists and great triumphs of spirit. Sport, in and of itself, can be the greatest thing in the world - both to play and to watch. Regardless of your level, there is greatness to be found.

Sometimes the greatest players find themselves facing a barrage of unwarranted abuse. This year saw the culmination of an ongoing torrent of abuse levelled at one of the greatest AFL players of all time. People often think that bullying only happens in the school yard, or in corporate settings. This simply isn't true, and it affects people in very different ways.

This campaign of abuse began in 2013 with prominent Sydney Swans player, Adam Goodes, being abused by an opposition supporter. Many believed that his reaction was an overreaction. I do not. Many said that because she was 13, the opposition supporter didn't understand that it was racism to call an aboriginal an ape. Many said that he should not have pointed her out as he did. Many said he was arrogant, attention seeking and racist himself.

From this point on, Goodes was boo'd. At first, it was a minority of the opposition. By mid-season 2015, it was every team, every game, every time he touched the ball. While every excuse under the sun was raised as to why it was ok to boo a star of the game, the simple fact remained that at its root was racism, and that by continuing to boo for whatever other reason they were giving the racist somewhere to hide.

If we look at Goodes' achievements, they tell of a player who is not only good at what he does but greatly admired as well:

2003 and 2006 Brownlow Medalist (AFLs Best and Fairest), has also polled well in 5 other years, and polled votes every year bar one from 2001 through to 2015. This statistic seems to fly in the face of him being a dirty player who staged for free kicks, as many of us detractors would have you believe.

2005 and 2012 Premiership Player, as well as playing in every finals campaign with his team. This contradicts those people who claim he was having difficulty finding form.

2014 Australian of the Year. This award, one of the highest in the country, was awarded to him for his work in fighting racism and for the work he had done within the indigenous community to promote health and education for those in remote areas, or at a socio-economic disadvantage.

During Goodes' time as Australian of the Year he came under fire from the racist quarter who were confronted by their own intolerance. He called them out over the atrocious behaviour suffered by the indigenous population since the white settlement. He called them out over the ongoing abuse and discrimination faced by modern aboriginal people. He called them out over their bigotry. And so did the fans, especially after he chose to perform a dance he had been taught during the round specifically to celebrate indigenous culture.

It is this sort of misplaced vitriol that so many indigenous people must put up with. The "I'm not racist but ..." crowd all get their nickers in a twist because someone is proud AND outspoken about their heritage. It is the "uppity black man" who should pipe down and let the people who know nothing about aboriginal culture sort out the problems. It is the "loud and proud" indigenous people who should stop making such a fuss because white people don't carry on when they are called names. It is these same people who say, "Well, I don't boo Lewis Jetta so how can it be racist?"

Well, let me lay it out for you, very clearly:

- if you boo an black player for staging, but not any other player, it's probably racist.

- if you use the colour of someone's skin as an insult, it's definitely racist.

- if you object to black players bring proud of their heritage, it sounds like you're racist.

- if you continue to boo a player despite being told it's racist, my guess is you're racist.

This whole series of incidents surrounding Adam Goodes has shown just how far we, as a nation, have yet to go when it comes to indigenous affairs and racism generally. What it has also shown is that Adam is not just a great player, but a man of great integrity, great courage, great character and great humility.

Can we afford to be so ignorant that we would allow the racist minority to hold the cards? Can we not make out country as great as this one man, who has consistently shown a wisdom beyond his years and a maturity some never achieve? Can we instead teach our children, like the ones who were part of the wonderful painting below, that race is irrelevant in determining the worth of a person? Can we be proud Australians all together, regardless of colour or creed?

Who We Become When With Others

We all have separate little pieces of our personality that fit together like a jigsaw puzzle, making the larger picture that is us. Sometimes, when we are with specific people or a specific group of people, one of those pieces dominates or is repressed, making us seem to be not ourselves to those who know us in other spheres of our lives.

I find this is most evident in two realms. The social and the business spheres can bring to the fore two disparate parts of our personalities. The serious versus the fun loving, if you will. The other is when we begin a new romantic relationship.

Finding that perfect partner, the one who you can truly be yourself with, can be very easy. It can also be the hardest thing in the world. There is no rhyme or reason to this. It is being in the right place at the right time. Sometimes we think we’ve found the one when in reality they are just another stepping-stone, there to teach us something about ourselves.

Whatever the reason for this disparity in personality, we have to make sure that we don’t allow the change for one aspect of our lives to take over in every aspect. I have found that professionally, I can quite submissive. This has a tendance to creep into my social life, especially in regards to boyfriends. Standing up for myself and not backing down for the sake of not arguing have been issues, which until recently, I have not really dealt with. With my friends who know me and with my family, I would never dream of letting them walk all over me, not would I let anyone walk all over them.

At work, it’s a survival mechanism. I am not a big enough fish to make waves and not feel the consequences. Luckily, I am good at my job and don’t have much recourse to have to try to defend myself. I am also reasonably well liked so don’t need to stand up for any injustice against me.

When it comes to men, there is the fear that if I let one go then I won’t find another. This creates a submissive attitude in me. I will agree to save us from having, or to end, an argument. This is a double-edged sword as the problem doesn’t get resolved and you end up losing them anyway because they don’t want to be with someone who has no spine.

The trouble with submission is that the flip side of the coin is often an uncontrolable inward rage. All the anger at not standing up for yourself, the fear of rejection and the miriad of other negative emotions eats away at you, burns into your soul. If there is no outlet for this rage then it can be very dangerous.

In others, I have seen the logical and commonsense version of themselves be sabotaged by friends who encourage their wild and reckless side.  This can be very confronting and sometimes overwhelming when the two worlds meet especially when they are extreme ends of the spectrum. I know that alcohol can play a large part in this collision of psychological worlds. The staff function can wreak havoc with the boundaries we may have established for the different pieces of our personality puzzle. I have seen people who, while at work, are incredibly quiet, demure and responsible become loud, aggressive and dangerous because they have allowed their barriers to crumble between the personal and the professional, aided by the consumption of alcohol (sometimes in copious amounts).

Of course, many people are pretty much the same no matter where they are. All of their pieces fit neatly together and work together to make a seamless transition from one situation to another. The fluctuations between different aspects of their personality are minor and normal in the grand scheme of things. They do not rage against each other and tear each other down.

Maybe one day I will achieve the balance I so desire between submission and rage. I hope everyone who needs to find their balance is successful and, in the meantime, that your worlds do not collide too ferociously.