Friday, March 25, 2011

Writing Poetry

A poet’s work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world and stop it going to sleep. (Salman Rushdie)

I like to write. I will write about anything and everything. I do like, however, to get my teeth into a tough subject. I have written about religion. I have written about law and order. I have written about love and lust. Sometimes I will play the devil’s advocate just to get a feel for the other side. What I write is not necessarily what I believe. Sometimes being on the wrong side of the argument is more fun, especially when you know it’s pushing other people’s buttons. If I can make one person think about an issue and consider the pro’s and con’s of a subject then my work is done.

Poetry is like making a joke. If you get one word wrong at the end of a joke, you’ve lost the whole thing. (W.S. Merwin)

Quite often, I will write a poem and think it is ok. A few days later, I’ll read it and think there is something wrong with it. It can be a word, a line, a stanza; it can be the tone or flow. It doesn’t have to be a big thing either; the smallest mistake can ruin the whole poem. I suppose that’s why we need editors. Having said that, my poetry is written for no-one but myself. It doesn’t bother me if no-one else likes it or enjoys it. If I have enjoyed the creative process, it’s been a good day. If I enjoy the finished product that’s a great day. If other people like it then that’s a bonus.

Poetry isn’t a profession, it’s a way of life. It’s an empty basket; you put your life into it and make something out of that. (Mary Oliver)

It’s true that many poets write from personal experience, even when writing about something completely unfamiliar they will find something that they can relate to and run with that. For me, my poetry is very much from person experience and I’m quite sure that if the people I write about knew what I was writing about them they would be mortified, hence why I never publish names of people or poems containing the names of people along with my poetry if I can help it.

I am also someone who cannot turn off my brain when it comes to poetic thought. Not every thought makes it to paper, though, and I’m sure that some excellent lines have been lost to the wind because I haven’t had a piece of paper and pen handy. I see a flower and want to write an ode to it. My heart skips a beat for a handsome face and an epic begins to form in my mind.

Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things. (T.S. Eliot)

I like to think I have personality and I know I have emotions. Some of my best (and worst) work has been at the height of an emotionally charged episode. I hope that I have injected some of my personality into my work. It’s a hard thing to judge, really. How much of yourself do you want to lay bear? The poems which work best for me are those that start out as pure, unadulterated emotion that, after reworking, develop a smoother edge. The initial outpouring is important; it lays the foundations for the work. The reworking is important also, it is being able to step out of yourself, to leave your own personality behind, and be objective.

Writing poetry is the hard manual labour of the imagination. (Ishmael Reed)

Finding the perfect word, or turn of phrase, to fit a line is the most difficult thing and the easiest thing in the world. When everything is flowing it hardly feels like work but when the words don’t fit and you need to exercise those little grey cells, the chore can seem laborious at best. The effort can sometimes feel like it’s not worth the reward, when the work is average at best and is what I like to call filler but when that magic happens and the right word worms its way through your brain to spill out onto the page then that is as near a religious experience as I am ever likely to experience.

Breathe in experience, breathe out poetry. (Muriel Rukeyser)

The older I get, the more I understand. The more I understand, the more I question. The more I question, the more I write. Every experience gives you the opportunity to expand your writing, to make it more in-depth or robust. The experiences that have shaped me are many and they all lend a little light so that I may see the big picture and the minor detail. Many of my works have similar subject matter but their metamorphosis can be seen as I have matured and experienced the world. The knowledge I have gained from living is equal to that I have gained through books and both inform my writing.

You can’t write poetry on the computer. (Quentin Tarantino)

Never has a more true statement been uttered. The computer is not conducive to creative flow; it is too impersonal, in my opinion. I prefer, for poetry, the feel of the pen and paper; the crossed out word, the changing of the order of the lines, the complete rewriting all show through in the hand-written form. A computer does not allow for humanity. For prose, I have no issue with computerised texts but poetry needs, for me, to be a more personal matter, which I can scribble and scrawl in my own fashion. I like to see the brain’s processes before I commit it to the computer screen.

I've got mixed feelings about poetry 'cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps. (Craig Ferguson)

I tend to think everyone’s voice should be heard but those more capable should speak louder. I am not saying I should be one of those special people. I am in no doubt that not everyone like my work, or that everyone even likes poetry, and I also feel that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.






To read some of my poetry visit my other blog: Nona's Poetry Corner

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Rule # 1: I am always right ... Rule # 2: if I am wrong, rule # 1 applies

I have a habit of thinking I am right. All the time. Regardless of evidence to the contrary. It's not unusual for people to be this way. In fact, it's becoming more and more common. Being that I am normally very timid and not one to start an argument with anyone, the advent of the cyber-world has given me a wall to hide behind. It lends itself to a semi-anonymous existence. It creates, in me at least, a bravado that doesn't normally exist.

With my friends on Facebook I tend to be more like my real-world self but with those I encounter on fan sites and forums I tend to let loose. If I think I'm right I will push and push and push. If you've read any of my other blog posts you will notice the same sort of thing. I know I do it but unless it's specifically aimed towards my personal friends, I just don't care. Of course, I want people to like me, but I also like for people to agree with me.

And this leads me to the point of this blog: this habit of speaking my mind also extends to the defence of others. I have been known, more than once to step into the middle of a cyber-argument with hope of achieveing two things: the end of the argument and the backing up of one side over the other.

My thought is, though, at what point does my interjection stop being mediation and start being meddling? It's a fine line in some instances. I do try to stay out of arguments concerning things I have absolutely no knowledge of. Sometimes I let myself get sucked in but it tends to be rarely. The ones I find myself in the middle of, thought no-one's fault but my own, are the ones where I am friends with one of the participants in the argument and/or respect their point of view. It might not even be that I agree with one person or the other, it's just my perception of their attitude towards the subject matter or the person they are debating.

As far as I can remember, there has only been one instance where I have stepped into an argument purely to tell both participants off for being childish. I purposely put myself in the middle to diffuse what looked like an argument that could turn ugly. Well, as ugly as a cyber-argument can get. I did so thinking that the best I could hope for would be that they would stop arguing. The worst I expected would be that they would both continue and drag me into it by trying to win me over to their point of view. What I did not expect was that I would wake up the next morning to an apology from both parties.

I have always, I think, been seen as a bit of a mother hen and that has shaped me a lot. It has made me want to stick up for my family and friends and to want everyone to be treated fairly, with dignity and respect, regardless of their opinion. I have been the one to whom friends have come with problems, either as a listening post or as someone to offer advice and potentially "fix" the situation. When I was younger (and I'm talking a teenager, here) I did not ask for that responsibility. Now, I don't necessarily like being put in the middle but will not back away if friends are in trouble.

I have been called diplomatic more because I have a way of wording things calmly than anything else. I have an ability to take the hot headed ramblings of one side and make sense of them and turn them into a forceful argument. I can also tell someone to peddle their shite somewhere else in the nicest of possible ways. It's a tone of voice more than the actual subject matter. It's that "mum" voice. It works on the kids I teach, it works on my son and it, apparently, works on random internet people.

All said and done, I do have a sense of humour about the disagreements I get myself into. I think it's quite amusing that I have argued with someone over the height of a TV host's chair. Even as I was in it, I was thinking how absurd it was but I just couldn't help myself, I wanted to see what it took for the other person it either give in or give up. I also think it's quite amusing that anyone, myself included, would bother with such a stupid subject matter.

This is not to say that all the debates I get into are petty or have humour attached to them. I have been known to lash out at religious practices, ideology, social welfare, prejudice, politics and various other subjects which are, by anyone's standards, serious. When it comes to those subjects I can be extremely focused on my point of view and will argue it to the death. Being somewhat educated (I have a university degree) and someone who has an interest in the news and current affairs (by which I mean interesting happenings in the world, rather than whatever the latest scam or shoddy practice is or who's marrying/divorcing/sleeping with whom) I like to think I have an understanding of certain things and can articulate myself when needed.

I enjoy a good philosophical debate and, when both sides are willing to accept that different people have different points of view, they can be quite enjoyable. It's closed minded people that iritate me and get me most fired up, even in the real world. I remember having the most astonishingly atrocious arguments with my scripture teachers, going right back to when I was 7 years old. Even as a young child I was more open to a non-specific spirituality rather than a diety-specific religion and this was because of the closed-mindedness of those religious instructors. The whole reason why I attended scripture at school, even though I had the option of attending non-scripture (or what they are now calling moral guidance), was because I was fascinated by the idea of religion and wanted to learn about it, to debate it, to discuss it with people who believed. Not having the experince I have now, the debates turned to arguments and then just to me trying to convince them they were wrong.

My dad is the same way, I think I inherited it from him. My mum has often told me how he'd invite Latter Day Saints in when they came knocking and would then argue the Bible with them (my dad was schooled in a Lutheran boarding school and knows the Bible pretty well for someone who doesn't practice any religion at all). I'm not sure if being told it's ok to question religious authority led me to question it or whether I would have done it regardless but the outcome was that not only did I question the religion I was being schooled in but all religions and made an effort to learn about the different religions so I would know what I was arguing for or against.

Education, I think, is vital in the debating process and why I try to steer clear of subjects I don't know anything about. All to often I have been challenged on things because the other person hasn't done their research. Mostly, as soon as I lay out the evidence, they back down. It's the ones that don't back down in the face overwhelming evidence that annoy me. If I were in a debate with myself I would be fuming at myself, because I am very much (though not completely) that person.

In conclusion, I don't mind whether you agree with me or not. I don't mind if you believe in purple fairies or aliens or God. I don't mind if you have rationality or reason behind you. If you enter into a debate with me, as long as you are prepared to either convince me of your argument or declare defeat, that is all I ask. If, in the event that neither of us changes our mind, as long as you conceed that we can agree to disagree, then that's ok as well.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

South Africa Travel Journal 2009

The Flight Over (and a bit about South Africa)
We left Sydney and flew direct to Johannesburg. It was a 13 hour flight and I got no sleep thanks to it being Richard’s first time on a plane and him not sleeping. He was pretty good on the plane, though. I though being cooped up for that long might have sent him a bit crazy but he coped really well, watching the in-flight kid’s shows and doing puzzles.

South Africa is divided into 9 provinces and has 11 official languages (Afrikaans, English, Ndebele, Northern Sotho, Southern Sotho, Swazi, Tsonga, Tswana, Venda, Xhosa and Zulu) and many residents speak at least 3 (their tribal language, Afrikaans and English).

The motto for South Africa is “unity in diversity” and it has been a long time coming to this. For a country of nearly 50 million people, the majority being black, it has seen a lot of trouble and discrimination by the minority on the majority. Thankfully, with the abolition of apartheid, this beautiful country is now moving towards being more unified and allowing greater diversity to flourish.

Modern humans have lived in Southern Africa for 100,000 years but the first Europeans to “discover” South Africa were the Portuguese, yet it was the Dutch and British who would shape much of South Africa’s history. The discovery gold and diamonds led to the Anglo-Boer War. The Boer republics were the first to legislate legally institutionalised segregation (which later became known as apartheid) as early as the 1880s. There were three distinct classes – White (at the top of the pecking order), Coloured (made up mainly of Asian immigrants) and Black (the Native African Tribes) – and the rights and restrictions for each class varied widely.

In 1994, the ANC (which had been seen as a terrorist organisation by the Apartheid Governments and of which Nelson Mandela was a member) won the first democratic election in South Africa. The country dismantled the discriminative legal system and rejoined the Commonwealth of Nations, from which it had been banned under its apartheid government.

Today, South Africa is a land of contrast, from the vibrant Tribal huts and dances to the grey and crime-ridden streets of the inner-city. It is a developing nation trying to sustain its traditional identity while affording its people humane living conditions, with fresh water at a premium in a country which has over a million square kilometres of land and a negligible water area.

Day 1 - Johannesburg
We were met at the airport by the hotel shuttle bus and also met some of our tour group. We were staying at the Wanderers Protea Hotel which was on the other side of the city to the airport so we got to see a little of the city as we drove through.

Jo’burg is one of those places that you hear a lot of terrifying stories about. I can tell you that most of those stories are justified. As we drove along the thing that struck me was the security. Not that there were people walking around with semi-automatics or anything like that, just the level of personal security was intense. 6 or 8 foot high walls with not only barbed wire or razor wire (sometimes both) but electrified fences on top of the walls was the norm. A lot of the streets were gated communities with guards (usually armed) and very high fences and gates.

I was thankful to be in a mini-bus because Jo’burg if the carjacking capital of the world and I would’ve been petrified to drive myself around that city, especially with all the construction going on for the World Cup.

Our hotel was so named as it is just down the road from Wanderers Stadium (for all you cricket buffs). It was a nice hotel and before we all retired for the night we met our Tour guide (Chris) and the rest of our group. There were 19 of us in total and for anyone who knows me, you’ll know how bad I am with names so it took me a while to get to know everyone’s names.

Day 2 - Johannesburg to Kruger National Park
In the morning we met our bus driver (Alan) and left for Kruger National Park. We drove past a housing development which the government has commissioned. This is designed to provide affordable housing for the populations currently living in shanty towns or on the streets. It is quite often the first time these people have had access to running water and/or electricity. They are very basic houses, often with only 3 or 4 rooms but it is a vast improvement on their previous living arrangements. It is both a wonderful and terrible thing to see. It is wonderful that the government is doing this to improve the lives of the people and that the money is going to the right places. It is terrible that it has to happen on this sort of scale.

The major roads in South Africa (including the one we spent travelling on for a lot of our trip) are toll roads. The tolls are slightly higher that here, averaging out to about $5 for a car, but not much. A lot of the distance the roads (even the toll roads and other highways) are one lane. It was quite common for us to be travelling at 100kph in the breakdown lane to let the cars (going 120kph) pass. Another common sight was hitchhikers. These weren’t just backpackers or the poor, we saw guys in suits with briefcases, pregnant women and children all hitchhiking. This stems from the fact that many of the people who work in the city or its surrounding suburbs are living in the townships quite a distance away. If they can’t afford a car, which many of them can’t do, they take the bus or the taxi services. The taxi’s from the townships are set an area and cannot go out of their area, even if their fare wants to so the passengers must get out of the taxi at the end of it’s area and find a new taxi. So many of the hitchhikers are not really hitching, they are hailing a taxi or mini-bus taxi to take them on the next leg of their journey.

Paper is a big commodity in South Africa and we passed many pine plantations and several paper mills. The big problem they have with trees is from Australian Natives which do very well in South Africa and were brought in as wood supply when they cut down the native forests. They Australian Natives have now become a bit of a pest species and there are concerted efforts being made, especially in the National Parks to remove non-indigenous plants and to replace them with African Natives.

As we drove along, the other thing that is noticeable is the number of roads-side stalls and markets. Even in the cities they are everywhere. Some sell local produce, some live animals such as sheep and chickens, some sell curios and trinkets. There are also a lot of road-side car wash businesses.

We travelled across the Gauteng Highveld and descended into the subtropical Lowveld region of Mpumalanga before arriving at Kruger National Park in the early afternoon and drove though in our tour bus to get to our hotel. Unfortunately our tour bus wasn’t allowed on the dirt roads so we had to stick to the tarmac but we still saw a lot of the animals we wanted to see. The first animals we saw were a group of Giraffes eating leaves about 100m from the road. We then went on to see Elephants, Warthogs, Waterbucks, Impalas, Zebras, Rhinos, Hippos, Monkeys and a lot of different birds.

Kruger National Park consists of more than 2 million hectares, boasts more than 146 mammal species, 507 bird species and 400 tree varieties. The aim of most tourists entering Kruger is to see the big 5 – lion, rhino, elephant, leopard and buffalo – and they are named not because they are the 5 biggest animals but because they are the 5 most dangerous to hunt if you’re on foot.

Our hotel was the Kruger Gate Protea Hotel. We got told on arrival not to feed the monkeys and that a few days earlier they’d had a visit from one of the big cats so not to go wandering about at night, especially by yourself. There was a buffet dinner and on the menu – Impala meat. Those cute little things we’d seen running about all over the place. It was an average meat, not my favourite but certainly not one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten.

Day 3 – Kruger National Park
I am not a morning person. Getting up at 4 in the morning to go on safari is worth it, though. It was a hot day (39 degrees) and the tour group were supposed to be going in open sided 4x4 vehicles. 16 of our 19 went in the open vehicles. Mum, Richard and I had to travel in the air-conditioned mini-bus because Richard was too small to go in the open vehicle. What a shame! Lucky for us the mini-bus was allowed on the dirt roads, unlike our tour bus, so we saw everything that everyone else saw, from the comfort of the air-conditioning.

We saw some amazing animals, many of the same one we’d seen the day before but we could get closer to them in the cars than in the tour bus. We were lucky enough to see three of the big cats (a pride of Lions, a Cheeter and a Leopard) which was really wonderful. Our mini-bus driver (Edward) was awesome and pointed out things we would never have seen if it weren’t for him.

Seeing a pregnant Zebra crossing the road right near us was fantastic. Seeing a waterhole with animals drinking from it while a crocodile is submerged not 20m from the waters edge was phenomenal. Seeing the mostly devoured carcass of a giraffe in the grass was amazing.

I’m glad we had Edward to show us all the things in the park. It is possible to self-drive but, when even the guides have trouble seeing the animals, what chance have you got when you have to concentrate on driving and looking for animals.

Day 4 – Kruger National Park to Pigg’s Peak
The next day we were travelling to Swaziland, a land-locked country which prefers the currency of South Africa to its own even though they are of equal value. It was quite quick going through border control; they seem to be more concerned about the people trying to get out than the people trying to get in.

Pigg’s Peak was founded as a gold mining town and named after one of the early residents, William Pigg. The main source of industry is now plantations. We had a fantastic view to the mountains from our hotel (the Pigg’s Peak Orion Hotel and Casino) until the clouds rolled in and the mountains, and the hotel we were staying in, were enveloped. We stopped at a road side market to have a look and I bought a couple of stone souvenirs (an egg and a hippo). These two items had taken the seller (who was also the craftsman) a day and a half to make. The price I payed – about R100, the equivalent of less than $20.

Day 5 – Pigg’s Peak to St Lucia
We were going back into South Africa and onto St Lucia but before we left Swaziland we stopped at a glass blowing factory, very hot and very noisy and a candle making factory. For R10 (less than $2) one of the workers made Richard a Giraffe’s head candle and even let Richard put the eyes in. If you think Richard wanted to give it to me to put away, you’re very wrong. I had to tell him it would melt to get it out of his hands. We also bought a fantastically coloured elephant candle. If I’d had the money I would have bought everything in the shop, it was awesome.

We also drove past the Somhlolo (Swaziland) National Stadium. Compared to the huge structures being built in South Africa, this was tiny. It would compare, capacity-wise, to an NRL club home ground being that it holds 20,000 people. It was built in 1968 and named after King Somhlolo who moved his people into the area that is now Swaziland.

The border crossing back into South Africa from Swaziland took considerably longer than the previous crossing into Swaziland. Where we crossed the border brought us into the Kingdom of the Zulus – KwaZulu Natal Province – and we made our way to St Lucia. KwaZulu Natal is one of the smallest provinces yet one of the most densely populated. It is also home to the Zulu monarchy.

We arrived at our hotel in St Lucia, the Seasands Lodge, and promptly went for a swim. The gardens around the hotel were idyllic and it was nice to laze in the pool and enjoy the view. Upon arrival we’d been told that while the crime rate was very low in St Lucia it was still not safe to walk the streets at night. The reason? Hippos. So you can imagine that it was with some trepidation that we walked down to the main street for dinner. We didn’t meet any hippos on the way back to the hotel, only Alan the bus driver heading into town to the pub.

Day 6 – St Lucia
In the morning, Chris took us on a guided walk through the forest to the estuary. Richard especially liked this because he got to run around a little and Chris let him pretend to be tour guide.

If you look through the photos you’ll notice Richard with man, also called Richard. They became firm friends based purely on the fact that my Richard liked the fact there was someone else called Richard and big Richard (who was missing his grandkids) got to act like a big kid. So there is a picture of the two of them on this walk, hand in hand, very cute.

At the conclusion of our walk we came to the mouth of the river and there, on one of the sandbanks in the river, were a group of crocodiles sunbaking. Of course, we’d seen the signs saying “beware of crocodiles” but to actually see them, and so many of them, was truly breathtaking.

In the afternoon we went on a cruise up the river. Again we saw a lot of different birds, from the small Kingfisher to the enormous Goliath. We also saw some more crocodiles and some hippos frolicking.

That night we all went as a group to dinner at a local restaurant. Mum got adventurous and tried a Crocodile Curry. The food was brilliant but the service was the poorest I’ve every experienced. We were, apart from a couple, the only people in the place and it took over an hour for the first meals to arrive. Mum was the last to get hers, over two hours after she ordered it. Richard fell asleep before he even got his.

Day 7 – Shakaland
After St Lucia we made our way to Shakaland. This is a massive tourist attraction but it is also the home of some of the people who work their. It is an authentic Zulu village with extra traditional-style buildings added on as accommodation for tourist, a small cinema for educational purposes, etc, and it was the location for the movie “Shaka Zulu”.

Shakaland is named after King Shaka, the most influential leader of the Zulu Kingdom. It is widely believed that he is solely responsible for uniting the different clans to consolidate the Zulu Kingdom. He was known for his military genius and the absolute brutality of his reign. He was eventually assassinated in 1828 having been in power for approximately 10 years and though his actual year of birth is not known it is thought that he was no older than 47 years at his death.

We were taken on a tour of the village by a gorgeous Zulu man whose name I can’t pronounce or spell. About half way through the tour Richard made friends with a Zulu baby and they walked hand in hand for most of the rest of the tour. It was absolutely adorable.

We got to taste Zulu beer, which was revolting, and the Zulu tribal members put on a dance exhibition which was amazing. It was loud and fast and just full on. There was a little Zulu boy who joined in, too, and he was fantastic.

After Shakaland we drove to Durban. Like in Jo’burg, we were told that the streets were not safe after dark. Mum, Richard and I decided it’d be a good idea to stay in the hotel (Edward Protea Hotel) and order room service. We’d also been told that the guys who operate the rickshaws will demand money if you take a photo of them. I figured if they didn’t know they couldn’t demand anything so I took a photo of one from our hotel window.

Durban, as it is now, was founded in 1824 by British soldiers from a land grant given to them by King Shaka (see above). They named it Durban after Sir Benjamin d’Urban, the then governor of the Cape Colony.

Day 8 – Durban to Coffee Bay
We left Durban and travelled into the more rural areas along the Eastern Cape (also known as the Wild Coast) towards Coffee Bay, nestled into the heart of the old Transkei region (pronounced Tran-sky, meaning “beyond the Kei river”).

The road from Durban to Coffee Bay is not too bad. That is, until you get to the turn off for Coffee Bay. Alan said it was going to get bumpy but he’d try to avoid as many potholes as he could. He was true to his word, but it meant driving on the wrong side of the road for about half the time. Richard thought he’d count the potholes. He gave up when he got to 100. That was after about 5 minutes of driving on this road. We were on the road for about an hour.

We stopped the bus about 15 minutes away from Coffee Bay, just on the side of the road, and Chris got out – you should have seen the children come running. We piled off the bus and Chris handed out packets of biscuits so we could give them to the children. The sheer delight on the faces of the kids at being given something as simple as a biscuit was just extraordinary.

The locals belong to the Xhosa tribe and the traditional beliefs run very deep through the community, not just in this region but all across South Africa. Their huts are still built in the traditional manner, with colourful walls left bare facing a specific direction to ward off evil spirits, especially the Tokoloshe which is a mischievous spirit approximately 2 foot high who rapes women in their sleep, hence you will notice that many of the buildings, especially the more traditional huts, will leave a bare expanse of wall approximately 2 feet high as it is thought that the Tokoloshe cannot jump higher than it’s own height. Beds are also raised to a height of 2 feet in some area as added protection.

Coffee Bay itself is beautiful. The people are delightful. There is a beautiful beach and magnificent rolling hills as well as sheer cliff faces. That night at dinner, the staff of the hotel (Ocean View Hotel) came out and sang and danced for the guests. It was beautiful. They then invited the guests to join them in dancing. Richard was in his element and everyone thought he was so cute.

Rumour has it that Coffee Bay was named after a ship that lost its cargo of coffee beans in a wreck off the Wild Coast and beans washed up on the beach which then supposedly germinated. Today there are no coffee trees just the beautiful beach.

Day 9 – Coffee Bay
In the morning we were taken by the hotel manager up to an orphanage that had been set up by some of the tour guides in conjunction with the local community for children who had lost their parents to AIDS. There were 11 children and two carers living in a three room building, sleeping two children to a bed. The eldest child was 11.

After the age of 12 the children basically have to move out of the orphanage and fend for themselves because the orphanage can’t support them and there are no foster families in these remote communities. There is a small classroom at the orphanage and the children sang some songs for us that they had learnt.

HIV and AIDS are a huge problem, not only in Coffee Bay but in South Africa generally. It is estimated that over 5 million people are currently living with HIV and AIDS and that more than 250,000 died from these diseases in the last 12 months. In South Africa there are more than 1 million AIDS orphans, that is, children who have lost both parents to AIDS and many more who live in single parent households because of the disease.

One of the children at the orphanage we visited had sat crying for several days beside the dead bodies of his parents before being discovered and taken into care.

It was so beautiful and heartbreaking to see these children who have so little in life but are so happy with what they have. They tend to a vegetable garden, play on the equipment that has been donated to them and survive on hand-me-downs and donations. All throughout our trip our group had collected soaps and shampoos, pens and colouring-in books (basic toiletries and stationary) to give to the orphanage. Whatever they don’t use they sell to make money for what they do need but what we gave them seemed like a drop in the ocean.

Two of the guys on our trip, James and Nick, were so moved by this orphanage that they decided to give a percentage of the profits of their business to the orphanage and the Coffee Bay community in general to help them out, and plan on returning every so often to see how things are going.

It was, and is, hard to justify half the stuff we give our own kids and the stuff we buy for ourselves. We live such privileged lives and we take so many things for granted. We are wasteful and really lacking community spirit in comparison to these communities and it should be the job of everyone to travel to these developing nations to see how the other half live.

That night at dinner we were again treated to singing and dancing but this time by the children of the staff. Our time in Coffee Bay was coming to an end but it is a place that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Day 10 – Coffee Bay to Port Elizabeth
It was with a different outlook on life that we left Coffee Bay and headed for Port Elizabeth. We travelled back up the dilapidated road and passed the Old Aged pensions being doled out, in cash – what’s the point of direct debit or cheques when the people don’t have bank accounts and there are no banks to cash the cheques at either?

We stopped by the side of the road outside Nelson Mandela’s residence, an unimposing set of buildings that signify in no way the importance of the man who lives there. In contrast, we also drove past a shanty town with its cobbled together shacks and barely wide enough to walk down streets.

Port Elizabeth was merely a place to spend the night. Again we were in the Protea Hotel chain, at the Marine Protea Hotel. Port Elizabeth now has the nickname of the Friendly City but it hasn’t always been so. During the apartheid era forced relocations and the demolition of non-white housing was common up until 1975 and in the late 1970s to mid 1980s black deaths in custody were quite often the result of interrogation techniques and blatant torture of prisoners, especially radicals and activists against apartheid.

The two most notable examples of this are Steve Biko in 1977 who was tortured by security police before being sent to Pretoria, where he died, and the Craddock Four (Matthew Goniwe, Sparrow Mkhonto, Fort Calata and Sicelo Mhlauli) who were abducted, assaulted, killed and their bodies (along with the vehicle they were in) burnt by three Security Branch policeman in 1985. Biko, Goniwe, Mkhonto, Calata and Mhlauli were all activists and there is some evidence that the government sanctioned the “permanent removal” of the Craddock Four.

Day 11 – Port Elizabeth to Knysna
The trip to Knysna was wonderful. It took us from the Eastern Cape into the Garden Route, arguably one of the most beautiful areas in South Africa. You experience dense indigenous forests, woodlands, lakes and lagoons as you travel to Knysna (also known as the Jewel of the Garden Route).

Along the way we stopped at the bridge where they apparently do the world’s highest bungee jump. No one in our group wanted to do it but we did see people taking the challenge and it was amazing to watch.

Further up the road we stopped at the twin attraction of Monkeyland and Birds of Eden. In Monkeyland we were treated to squirrel monkeys trying to steal our lunch as well as going on a guided tour of the centre. We saw several species of monkey and lemur and they were adorable, I just wanted to keep one, but that is why a lot of the monkeys are in Monkeyland – they have been rescued from people who thought it would be fun to have one as a pet or from animal traders. In Birds of Eden we saw a wide variety of birds from all over the world, including a Kookaburra.

We then drove past Jeffrey’s Bay, though the surf looked pretty flat to me, and past another shanty town on the outskirts of Knysna and finally on to our hotel (Knysna Quays Protea Hotel) where we again enjoyed a swim in the pool. The Hotel is right on the edge of the spectacular Knysna lagoon and a short walk takes you to the awe-inspiring view through Knysna Heads to the Indian Ocean.

Day 12 – Knysna
In the morning Chris took us on a walk through a small section of rainforest just outside of Knysna. It was a beautiful but very familiar looking place to be as it reminded me of the Tasmanian rainforests.

On returning to our hotel we then walked down to the jetty where we boarded a boat to take us across the river to Featherbed Nature Reserve. The reserve covers an entire headland and is stunning in terms of the flora and the views generally. It is privately owned and covers 150 hectares. It has been listed as one of South Africa’s Natural Heritage Sites and for good reason. When you arrive you are driven to the top of the headland in a train-like 4x4 vehicle. You then have the option of returning in the vehicle (which Mum and Richard did, along with a few others in our group) or walking (which I did) down to the restaurant where a buffet lunch is provided.

Day 13 – Knysna to Cape Town
Not long after departing Knysna we found ourselves on the winding Outeniqua Pass on our way to Outsworn, the Ostrich capital of the world and we stopped at an Ostrich Farm. It was great to see them up close and Richard got to sit on the back of one of them. We saw the nurseries and all the baby Ostriches. Then we had Ostrich steak for lunch, which was beautiful.

After that we pulled over on the side of the road to fossick for fossils. Jeff, one of the guys on our tour found a leaf fossil but the rest of us were unsuccessful. Richard thought it was just a good excuse for playing with rocks.

We then stopped at “Ronnie’s Sex Shop”. It is a convenience store / pub adjoining one of the farms and is owned by Ronnie. The story of how it became Ronnie’s Sex Shop is that some of Ronnie’s mates were a bit drunk and found some paint so they decided to re-brand Ronnie’s Shop. When Ronnie arrived at the shop in the morning he found a quite long queue at the door of the shop and so it has remained Ronnie’s Sex Shop ever since. The closest things to anything even remotely sexy in the place are the G-Strings with Ronnie’s Sex Shop printed on them that are for sale.

It was also on the road to Cape Town that we were hit by a guinea fowl. These rather round birds pack a pretty good punch when they collide with a windscreen and you can find the photo of the bus in one of the albums.

We then made our way into the hustle and bustle of Cape Town, probably the most European of any of the South African cities. We were staying at the Sea Point Protea Hotel, not to be confused with the Riviera Protea Hotel or the Presidential Protea Hotel, all situated in the suburb of Sea Point. It is a very popular area for tourists, both local and international, because of the wonderful beaches that stretch for several kilometres. My advice, and that of anyone who’d ever been there, is not to go in the water. It is freezing.

Unfortunately, Alan the bus driver had to take the bus back to Jo’burg for repairs so it was his last day with us and we would get a new bus and driver for our last day of our tour.

Day 14 – Cape Town (Cape Peninsular Tour)
The last leg of our bus trip was a day trip to The Cape of Good Hope and Cape Point. We started off by heading to the most visual aspect of Cape Town – Table Mountain. The views from the top are spectacular and well worth the trip. It is possible to walk up to the summit, it takes about 2 to 3 hours depending on your fitness level apparently, but a far easier way up is the cable-car which has a revolving floor to give you 360 degree views as you ascend the mountain.

Our next stop was the Cape of Good Hope where we had photos taken at the sign telling us where we were. Contrary to popular belief, the Cape of Good Hope is not the most southern tip of Africa (that is situated at Cape Aqulhas) but it is a good photo opportunity. It is also the home of The Flying Dutchman, a ship whose crew of ghostly sailors are damned to forever sail the Cape but never round it.

We then travelled on to Cape Point. The lighthouse at Cape Point is the most powerful in South Africa but lighthouses on the Cape have not always been wholly successful. One such lighthouse was built on Cape Point Peak, 283m above sea level. In 1911 the Portuguese liner Lusitania ran aground at the Cape, the reason given by the captain was that he could not see the light from the lighthouse. Investigators did not believe him until it was discovered that cloud and mist had obscured the light and the lighthouse was moved to its present location, a mere 87m above sea level.

These two locations are situated in the Cape Point Nature Reserve and its tremendous scenery is worth the bumpy roads. The reserve is part of the Table Mountain National Park and boasts some of the most stunning coast line in South Africa.

After the Capes we went to Boulder to see the penguins. They are not camera shy, nor do they only come out at dawn and dusk. They are on the beach all day, year round, and you can get quite close to them from the boardwalk that has been constructed to protect their habitat. We saw many who were laying or had just laid eggs, which was marvellous to see.

We then travelled through Simon’s Town (home of the South African Navy). Simon’s Town is connected to Cape Town by rail as well as road and a story we were told involved some sailors and a dog called Just Nuisance. The story goes that the dog would visit the naval barracks most days and was adopted by the sailors who lived there. They would go into Cape Town on the train on the weekends for a few drinks or ten and Just Nuisance would come with them to help those who were a little under the weather home. The railways had struck a deal with the Navy that the sailors could travel half price. This was fine, except the conductor would make them pay full price for the dog. The Navy’s solution to this was not to get rid of the dog but to commission the animal as a petty officer and pay the dog in food. Just Nuisance was given dog tags stating his name, rank and serial number and from that day forward only payed the naval rate on the train.

After Simon’s Town we headed to Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens. We didn’t have very long there but what we did see was amazing. This sprawling Garden is fantastic and we decided to return later in the week to see what we had missed.

The tour group and Chris went out for dinner to celebrate what had been an amazing trip and to say goodbye to the new friends we had made. It was a fun night with great food but it was still sad to know that most of the people we had met we would never see again.

Day 15 – Cape Town (Red Bus Trip #1)
The Red Bus is a tourist bus which operates 7 days a week in and around Cape Town. It has stops at the major tourist attractions and you are provided with earphones so you can listen to the on-board running commentary of the history of Cape Town and of each of the destinations. It is an excellent service and very family friendly. The staff were always wonderful with Richard and he absolutely loved going on the Red Bus. And for $20 a day for an adult and $10 a day for a child (free for kids on weekends), it was a pretty cheap way to see everything as it was a hop on-hop off service.

We made our first stop the Two Oceans Aquarium. Richard had a ball but didn’t want me to take photos of the sharks because they were too scary. It was a state of the art facility and a really good way to spend a couple of hours. With over 3000 living sea animals there is something for everyone.

After lunch we wandered around the Waterfront for a while before getting back on the Red Bus. The official name is the Victoria and Alfred (V&A for short) Waterfront. As you may (or may not) know, Queen Victoria was married to Prince Albert, not Alfred. The South Africans didn’t get it wrong when they named the Waterfront after Alfred; it is named for Queen Victoria’s second son. Much of the current Waterfront is reclaimed land and it has been redeveloped many times.

Our next stop was the South African Museum and Planetarium. They were both wonderful to see, especially the skeleton of the whale hanging from the ceiling of the museum. They were in the process of renovating the site when we went there so some of the exhibitions were reduced or had not been installed yet, though it was still a wonderful experience. The Museum and Planetarium are part of the Iziko Museums of Cape Town (also included are the South African National Gallery, a slave lodge, the Castle of Good Hope and many more).

We then wandered through The Company Gardens, originally part of the land owned by the Dutch East India Company, where we saw the bridal party of an Islamic wedding getting their photos taken. On the corner is St George’s Cathedral, one of the few churches to openly advertise it welcomed ALL members of society during the apartheid era.

The Bus then meanders up Table Mountain and back along the coast, via Camps Bay, Bantry Bay, Sea Point (where we got on and off the bus each day) and Three Anchors Bay before ending back at the Waterfront.

Day 16 – Cape Town (rest day)
It was about time for a day of leisure and we were ready to relax so we had a swim in the pool, lazed about in our room and in the evening we went for a walk along the esplanade to the next suburb (Bantry Bay) so I could take some photos of the sunset over the water. It was nice to have a day of doing not very much at all and well deserved, I think.

Day 17 – Cape Town (Red Bus Trip #2)
We continued on the Red Bus to the Jewish Museum and Holocaust Centre. The Museum was fascinating, though I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t allowed to take photos because there were beautiful artefacts in there. The Holocaust Centre was heartbreaking. I’ve never cried in a museum or anything but I had tears rolling down my cheeks. It was a stunningly sad memorial to a tragic time in history. The museum is situated in the first synagogue to be built in South Africa and was opened by Nelson Mandela in 2000.

We then went to the Castle of Good Hope which is more like a fort than a castle, and was used more like a fort than a castle. It was quite bland, not like the ornate castles of Europe, and so it felt like a fort also. It has a good Military museum which I liked, and Richard liked looking at the models of the castle in its various guises.

Day 18 – Cape Town (shopping day)
We walked up to the main street of Sea Point for lunch and then onto the supermarket to stock up on supplies for the next few days. We had lunch at a pub and it was the best pub lunch I’ve had in a long while and the service was top notch.

Day 19 – Cape Town (Red Bus Trip #3)
On our next Red Bus trip we decided to head for the Maritime Centre on the Waterfront. We found it on a map, went to where it should have been and it wasn’t there so we asked a local shopkeeper where it was so we got directed to the other side of the harbour so we traipsed around to the other side only to be told it was near the aquarium, back on the side we had started at. We got to the aquarium only to be told it was where it said on the map but the entry was inside a bank. We finally found it – this tiny centre in one room with a few models of boats and of the harbour as it had originally been before the land was reclaimed to extend the docks. It took us longer to find the place than to walk around it; I was not a happy camper.

We then went to the District 6 Museum which was fascinating but also tiny. I thought that it would have a similar effect on me as the holocaust centre as it documents the forced relocation of over 60,000 non-white inhabitants from District 6 into enclaves in the surrounding areas during the apartheid era. It was more moving seeing the wastelands, covered in weeds and grass than seeing the museum. The lands in District 6 where they bulldozed the houses and shops were not redeveloped for the most part and so, even now, there are blocks and blocks of bare wasteland, with a smattering of houses and religious buildings which the apartheid government couldn’t bring itself to tear down.

What makes the tragedy of District 6 all more powerful is that before the forced removal of most of its inhabitants the district was truly interracial and though the different cultures had their own customs, there was a relative harmony and acceptance of the other cultures.

What restores my faith in humanity is that the governments plan to destroy this vibrant community to create a white area, full of business and housing opportunities for whites only, fell flat on its face when the developers refuse to put in tenders due to local and international pressure. The only new buildings that were built during this time were the Cape Technikon (now Cape Peninsular University of Technology) and some police housing.

Since the fall of apartheid, the new government has recognised the claims of former residents of District 6 and work has been going on over the last 7 years to rebuild homes for returning community members, however, many residents do not want to return because of the negative feelings attached to the site.

We had intended on going to the National Gallery of South Africa as well, but when we got there it was closed due to a State Visit. This did not improve my disposition any, but lunch in The Company Gardens did.

Day 20 – Cape Town (Red Bus Trip #4)
We did one final trip on the Red Bus (but on the outer city circuit this time) back up to Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens. We had a look in the conservatory and saw Pearson’s Grave (see the photo for details on this). The views were amazing and the flowers spectacular. It’s hard to describe in words everything up there but have a look at the photos and you’ll see it all.

Kirstenbosch covers 528 hectares and is completely indigenous. It contains the remnant of an almond and bramble hedge (known as van Riebeeck’s hedge) which was used as a boundary line for the colony and was owned by Cecil Rhodes after he bought it from the previous owners. He died in 1902 and bequeathed Kirstenbosch to the people as part of his Groot Schuur estate. In 1903 work began to turn Kirstenbosch into a Botanical Garden by Professor Pearson. On his death, in 1916, he was buried in the gardens, with the words “If ye seek his monument, look around” as his epitaph.

We also drove past Imizamo Yethu Township, home to over 8,000 people, a large proportion of which have HIV. Even though the National rate for HIV / AIDS infection is at about 12%, some provinces have rates in excess of 15%, and some townships may have rates as high as 50 or 60%. Guided tours are available for less than $10 but we didn’t have time to stop here. Townships like Imizamo Yethu are benefiting from the government housing schemes and public donations, often from overseas organisations.

We travelled back to Cape Town via The Republic of Hout Bay (which started off as a money making scheme which a few people took a little too seriously and is now just a tourist attraction rather than an independent republic). Today Hout Bay is a popular tourist destination but its major industry is centred around crayfish and snoek fishing, though it started off as a timber industry town, where ships would acquire wood for repairs and this is where the town gets its name as Hout is Dutch for wood.

Day 21 – Cape Town (Lucie’s Wedding)
Our last full day in cape Town was spent getting ready for my cousin Lucie’s Wedding. The ceremony was very moving. There were some beautiful readings and Lucie looked stunning. Frank didn’t scrub up too bad either. The flower girls were adorable; Niamh and Leah are gorgeous kids and Richard loved having some friends to play with. Niamh’s little sister, Ayela, is also very cute.

After the ceremony there were drinks in the garden while the bridal party had their photos taken (and Richard managed to sneak himself into a couple of the photos, well, he did look like he belonged in them).

The reception was a lot of fun and we got to catch up with the relatives from the UK as well as make some new friends. Richard and Niamh were the hit of the dance floor, busting out the moves most of the night. The food was great and the music pumped. The speeches were short (such a relief) and the MC brilliant.

All in all it was a good night and we were very happy to have been invited.

Coming Home
We were taken from the hotel to the airport in Cape Town in plenty of time to catch our domestic flight to Jo’burg. We had just enough time to collect our bags from the domestic terminal and leg it over to the international terminal to re check our bags and get our boarding passes. Thank God for Porters is all I can say because I reckon we might have missed the plane if it hadn’t been for ours.

We then sat in the plane at Jo’burg because a bag had been sent to the wrong plane and had to be transferred so we were delayed taking off. This meant that when we arrived in
Sydney all the people who were travelling on had missed their connecting flights but QANTAS are awesome and had already made alternate arrangements for them and they had people there to meet the ones transferring to other terminals.

We then made the long trip home on the train and finally walked in the door about 6pm Sydney time, after leaving our hotel at 1030am the day before South African time, and it really felt like we’d been travelling that long. Luckily we didn’t get hit too badly by jetlag because I had to go back to work the next day and Richard had to go back to preschool.

Final Thoughts
I’d highly recommend going to South Africa. I have every intention of going back and doing the rest of the country because I feel like I’ve only just scratched the surface. The people, for the most part, are delightful and I could’ve have wished for a better group to travel with, as well having an awesome bus driver and tour guide.

Photography

Everyone should have a hobby. It doesn’t matter what it is. Mine is photography. I love taking photos. I always have. It’s an expensive hobby though and I am not ashamed to say I have asked for camera equipment as combined birthday and christmas presents from my parents so I don’t have to pay for it.

I love that photography has gone digital. I know the traditionalists will hang me out to dry but it saves carrying around rolls of film and I am never limited in how many photos I can take. I can also edit them how I want. Oh, no! Did I say edit? Editing is awesome. I can remove that speck of dust that I didn’t notice at the time which has ruined a perfectly good photo. I can take out the red-eye. I can colour correct when I forget to change my settings.

I am not one of those photographers who only takes photos of certain things. I will and have photographed anything. Sports? Not a problem. Scenic? Sure. Weddings and Parties? As long as you don’t expect perfection. Really the only thing I don’t do is Portraits. It’s mainly because I’m not very good at it. I prefer to catch people naturally, rather than a set shot.

There’s a lot of luck involved in photgraphy. Anyone can go to a scenic part of the world and take a nice photo. The chances of that nice photo being more than just nice are pretty slim but when it is it’s truly spectacular. I don’t know that any of my photos are spectacular. I don’t even know that any of them are better than nice. I just know that I like taking photos.

I know why I prefer to be behind the lens, rather than in front of it. I am not happy with how I look. The sad thing is that there was a time when I did look good in photos but I didn’t see it.

I am beginning to think that my son is a junior shutterbug. He hasn’t developed an eye for what he wants to cature yet, he just wants to take photos of anything and everything. He can used up 400 shots on his camera in a few hours, and that’s just at home. He takes photos of chairs and the floor and his train set and the cat and food and all sorts of random things. It’s not a bad thing but it makes a lot of work for me when he asks me to process them. Thank goodness it isn’t too often, mostly they just sit on the computer gathering virtual dust.

My son also loves being in front of the camera and he’s a good subject. He hasn’t learnt how to smile naturally for the camera yet, but that’ll come. When I catch him just being himself, it’s the best. That’s probably just the parent coming out in me.

I really like to see other people’s photos. It’s like looking into their heart. You see what they are passionate about, where they’ve been and how they see the world. It can be heart-warming or heart-wrenching but both are beautiful. I also really like how the same photo can mean such different things to different people.

I don’t really think it’s important to be good at your hobby, as long as you like doing it. If you like it and are proud of it that’s what’s going to make it worthwhile.

By the way, if you’d like to see some of my photos then go to my other blog: Nona's Photgraphic Odyssey

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Discipline and the word “no”

In my profession I deal with a lot of children. Most of them are pretty good. They listen, they follow instructions and they are polite. They can also be loud, annoying and confrontational. They are normal children. They have good and bad days, just like everyone else. If you’re lucky and know what you’re doing then the good days outnumber the bad days.

In my profession I also deal with a few spoilt children and a few children who never hear the word “no” from their parents. Some of them have a Nanny who enforces some sort of discipline. Many of them have little real discipline at all. I had one child who would cry everytime I said that they couldn’t have something or do something. After a whole lesson of this I knew that something had to be done if the child came back. The child did come back and before the lesson even started I took the child aside and said to them that I wouldn’t tolerate them crying everytime they heard me say “no.” I also explained to the child the reasons why I say no (usually safety or time constraints). Some people will say that children can’t be reasoned with. I think it depends on the child. Some children can be and I was lucky that this child could be. I also think it comes down to how you reason with the child. Giving them owner ship of their actions is, I feel, very important.

Of course, discipline isn’t always about saying “no.” There has to be a positive reinforcement of desirable behaviours. There also has to be an understanding by the child of the consequences of their actions. There is no point punishing a child for doing something they shouldn’t have if they didn’t know they weren’t allowed to do it. Setting clear rules is important. Depending on the age of the children, the simpler the better.

For under 5s, the basics are:
  • No hitting, kicking or biting
  • Stay with the group
  • Ask to get a drink or go to the toilet
  • Listen to the instructor
For children who are at school most of the basic social rules should have been dealt with at school. The ones I most often need to emphasise are:
  • Keep your hands to yourself
  • Wait your turn / No pushing in
Of course, these are my rules for work but the same basic rules apply at home. My son knows there are rules and knows that there are consequences if he breaks the rules. He sometimes forgets the rules. He sometimes tries to get around the rules. In the end, he’s a child, he’s pushing boundaries. He wants to find out which are all the time rules and which are sometimes rules.

An all the time rule is one which applies no matter where you are, no matter who you’re with. For our household these include “no hurting” (hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, etc) and “manners” (please, thank you, excuse me, sorry, etc). Bubba is pretty good with those.

A sometimes rule is one which doesn’t always apply. It might have to do with the volume of speech or the speed of movement in different places. For example, at the park Bubba can be noisy and run around but in a restaurant he has to be quiet and sit down. It might also be a rule that is in place for a fixed period of time. Staying out of the kitchen while someone is cooking is one. Playing quietly while someone has a headache is another.

There are several strategies for dealing with behaviour problems that I have found to work. From a young age, since he understood the concept of numbers, he learnt that he had 5 seconds to stop doing whatever I didn’t want him to do. If I counted from 5 to 1 he was in trouble. If he stopped before I got to 1 then he’d just get the lecture about not doing it.

I also use the three strikes rule. It’s pretty simple. If Bubba does the same thing wrong 3 times in the one day then the big punishments get wheeled out. An example from a couple of weeks ago was Bubba was told not to jump off the arm of the lounge chair and when he did so I told him off. A while (maybe 2 hours) later he did it again. He got told off and timed out for a minute and told that if he did it again he’d have to pack away all his toys. After the time out he went back to playing for an hour or so, then jumped off the arm of the chair again. He got told off, time out for 5 minutes then I made him pack up his toys.

Time out is a tricky punishment to master. I was once told that the time out should only be as long as the child is old, so if the child is 3 years old then the time out should only be 3 minutes. It’s not a bad rule but I’ve never met a child under the age of four who has any concept of time when they are angry or annoyed. Time out also only works if the time out place is not somewhere they enjoy being. When Bubba was younger I used his step stool for going to the toilet and he had to sit facing the front door. It meant that is wasn’t all that comfortable and there was nothing to keep him entertained.

The child also has to know that the time out will finish. Telling them to go to time out for 2 minutes tells them that the punishment will end but it’s important that they know that it is a straight 2 minnutes. If, after 1.5 minutes they get up and wander off, the time must start again.

The important thing to remember about discipline is follow through. If you set a consequence then you have to be prepared to make it a reality should the need arise. Threatening to give their toys to charity only works so long as they believe you will actually do it and once that belief is gone it’s near on impossible to get it back, and it becomes increasingly hard to set consequences that they will believe. It’s a bit like Maxwell Smart saying to the KAOS Agents that he has an army of Control Agents surrounding their hideout, then saying “would you believe a well trained poodle?” when they don’t believe him.

As I said at the beginning, positive reinforcement of desirable behaviours is always a good option. Some people think it’s bribery. Personally, there’s nothing wrong with bribery as long as it’s not routine and not expected. Rewarding a child with love, praise and affection is a far better method than sweets and toys.

The hardest thing to do where discipline is concerned is to be the disciplinarian in the face of other parents who don’t discipline their child to your standard. Young children apply the “monkey see, monkey do” philosophy to their actions. If the rest of the children are throwing sand then your precious angel will probably also throw sand. You can’t let the inaction of other parents stop you from disciplining your child. Some of the other parents may not have noticed and will be glad you said something. Some of them won’t care. Some will think you’re over-reacting. Their reaction makes no difference to what you should do. If you think it needs disciplining then do it.

It is hard for the child who gets disciplined when none of the other children do. One way you can minimise this feeling is to tell the whole group not to do it. I use this technique a lot at work. Rather than isolate one child (especially if they are new to the class), I tell the whole group not to do it; however, if they continue to do the undesirable behaviour then individual attention is required. This can work in social situations as well. I have quite often reminded my friends children of the correct way to behave. It doesn’t always work but your child won’t feel like they are being picked on, at least by you.

The last word to be said on discipline is that it’s important for children to understand the “my house, my rules” concept. This is very important to me at work as the children have to understand that, while they may be allowed to run around and wreak havoc at home, while they are with me in my “house” they have to follow my rules. The same applies to my son when he goes to other peoples houses or to the shops or wherever really. For example, I have a rule that bubba is allowed to play with a small football inside as long as he keeps it below the height of his own knee. Other people may have a “no balls inside the house” rule. I can’t tell him the rules for every single persons house but I can give him the understanding that different people have different rules.

In the end, everyone finds their own disciplinary style and if it works for you and your child, then that’s awesome news. Don’t allow other people to dictate to you how you should and shouldn’t use discipline, even me, but do allow them to offer advice. The more information you have to work with the better it is, even though it may seem that every piece of advice you get contradicts every other piece. If you find that your style isn’t working then try to work out what specifically isn’t working, why it isn’t working and how you can change it. Remember, changing your mind is not a sign of weakness but a sign of growth.

News Coverage in the Modern Age

There was once a time when a disaster in a foreign country didn’t even make the news in your country, let alone have 24 hour picture coverage and journalists camping out to cover it. I’m not saying that was better than knowing what’s going on in the world. I’m not saying that was better than bringing it to people’s attention so they can help with recovery efforts in anyway they can. I am saying it’s better than the outrageous “news” coverage we get today.

I will use the February 2011 earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand as an example. I live in Australia (just across the ditch, as we say). The news broke almost immediately after it happened. The coverage continued all day and night on the TV on all the major stations. The next few days were also predominantly coverage from the earthquake site.

The first few hours of coverage did not bother me as there was new information coming out at a pretty consistent rate. The pictures may have been on a pretty high rotation but the information being presented was being updated. After about four hours, though, the information started being the same thing we’d already heard a few times already.

I know people are going to say, “what about all the shift workers, etc, who haven’t seen or heard the news; they need the information to be repeated.” I’m not saying don’t repeat the information but surely, after 4 hours, we don’t need constant live streaming from the networks. A simply 5 or 10 minute update every hour would have sufficed. Then, as major information came through, they could break from their scheduled programming for that.

Which brings me to my gripe over “breaking news”. The first or second time you tell people, it is breaking news. The fifth time it’s definitely not “breaking”, it’s just news. So many times I saw the networks have BREAKING NEWS plastered across the screen over footage and/or presentations of information that had been on for the last few hours.

I’m trying really hard, not to sound uncaring, but I know some of you will think that. It’s not that I don’t care about the people in the earthquake area. It’s not that I don’t care about the damage it caused. It’s that I don’t care for the TV stations constantly sensationalising everything and running something to the point of people tuning out.

The other problem I have is the sending of the masses of journalists to these disaster zones. Especially when they are not real journalists. They took up space on flights from Australia which could have gone to relatives or emergency service personnel. Not only that, they are not journalists. Take David Koch, from Channel 7’s Sunrise program, as an example. He is basically an accountant who has somehow managed to get a job as a breakfast TV host. He was flown over to report to on the disaster. He is NOT a journalist. The questions he asked (don’t know if he made his own questions, or the staff who write the questions are just incompetent) were juvenile. I’d expect the same sort of questions from lower high school kids. He (or his staff) did no research into the information they were presenting and made no effort to keep up with the updated information.

This effort of “Kochie’s” came off the back of his efforts in the Queensland floods where he clearly made a huge error, then had to come back and correct himself. He didn’t even say he’d gotten it wrong, though, he just said that someone from the premiers office (??? can’t quite remember the source of that information) had rung to tell him the updated information. This was probably true but the same information had gone out A FEW HOURS EARLIER in a news conference (shown on his network) by the Premier of Queensland (Anna Bligh) so if he or his staff had done their jobs properly then this retraction would not have been needed. It just went to make him look like an idiot for not knowing in the first place and for not admitting that he should have known when he had to update the information.

I’m not sure why the networks think we want to see half-arsed reporting. There are plenty of well-versed, TV friendly journalists out there who are a million times better than David Koch. They know what they’re talking about. They know what kinds of questions to ask to get the relevent information out of who they are asking. It reminds of the saying: You don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. These TV hosts are not journalists and should stop pretending they are. And it’s not just Channel 7. It’s all the commercial networks in Australia (with the possible exception of SBS, which I don’t really see as a commercial network even though it is). They are all as bad as each other. I just happen to watch Channel 7 during these episodes.

I also object to the intrusion in these people’s lives who are basically doorstopped by these wanna-be journalists and asked to relive what has probably been the most traumatic event in their life. The general public knows that people are suffering. We can imagine but not know what they are going though, unless we have lived it ourselves. I don’t mind the occassional interview with a “victim” but it should be done after they’ve been given a basic psychological assessment as to weather they are ready to deal with some really quite intrusive questions. I also wonder if the people who are interviewed see the final version that goes to air and think, “that’s not how it was” or are just embarrassed to be seen in that state on international TV. In the moment, people don’t think like that. Some people may not want their emotional distress to be splashed across the TV but in the moment may not have the where-with-all to say no to the TV crew and “charming” host who has just lobbed up in their front garden or at the front door. Obviously, the networks need to get permission to air the stories but in that emotional state, how many of those people actually thought about what they were signing, or the implications of being made into a headline?

At the end of the day, the networks are going to do whatever they want but a little social responsibility and little intelligent journalism isn’t too much to ask for, is it?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Parental Influences

I love my parents but I don’t want to be either of them. Unfortunately I know I’ve inherited some of the bad characteristics and well as some of the good from both of them. It’s only natural, I suppose, and it’s just something I have to deal with.

I know I’ve got my dad’s temper and impatience. I do not suffer fools at all gladly. Road rage plagues my driving experience. I have, thank goodness, a pretty good ability to bite my tongue when needed. It doesn’t always kick in but for the most part it has saved me from unleashing on many an unwitting victim.

I know I have my mum’s inability to throw things away. It’s probably bordering on hoarding. I figure the next time I move I will get rid of some things. Or I will just have to find a bigger place to put it all.

I just hope that my son doesn’t pick up too many of my bad habits.