We all have separate little pieces of our personality that fit together like a jigsaw puzzle, making the larger picture that is us. Sometimes, when we are with specific people or a specific group of people, one of those pieces dominates or is repressed, making us seem to be not ourselves to those who know us in other spheres of our lives.
I find this is most evident in two realms. The social and the business spheres can bring to the fore two disparate parts of our personalities. The serious versus the fun loving, if you will. The other is when we begin a new romantic relationship.
Finding that perfect partner, the one who you can truly be yourself with, can be very easy. It can also be the hardest thing in the world. There is no rhyme or reason to this. It is being in the right place at the right time. Sometimes we think we’ve found the one when in reality they are just another stepping-stone, there to teach us something about ourselves.
Whatever the reason for this disparity in personality, we have to make sure that we don’t allow the change for one aspect of our lives to take over in every aspect. I have found that professionally, I can quite submissive. This has a tendance to creep into my social life, especially in regards to boyfriends. Standing up for myself and not backing down for the sake of not arguing have been issues, which until recently, I have not really dealt with. With my friends who know me and with my family, I would never dream of letting them walk all over me, not would I let anyone walk all over them.
At work, it’s a survival mechanism. I am not a big enough fish to make waves and not feel the consequences. Luckily, I am good at my job and don’t have much recourse to have to try to defend myself. I am also reasonably well liked so don’t need to stand up for any injustice against me.
When it comes to men, there is the fear that if I let one go then I won’t find another. This creates a submissive attitude in me. I will agree to save us from having, or to end, an argument. This is a double-edged sword as the problem doesn’t get resolved and you end up losing them anyway because they don’t want to be with someone who has no spine.
The trouble with submission is that the flip side of the coin is often an uncontrolable inward rage. All the anger at not standing up for yourself, the fear of rejection and the miriad of other negative emotions eats away at you, burns into your soul. If there is no outlet for this rage then it can be very dangerous.
In others, I have seen the logical and commonsense version of themselves be sabotaged by friends who encourage their wild and reckless side. This can be very confronting and sometimes overwhelming when the two worlds meet especially when they are extreme ends of the spectrum. I know that alcohol can play a large part in this collision of psychological worlds. The staff function can wreak havoc with the boundaries we may have established for the different pieces of our personality puzzle. I have seen people who, while at work, are incredibly quiet, demure and responsible become loud, aggressive and dangerous because they have allowed their barriers to crumble between the personal and the professional, aided by the consumption of alcohol (sometimes in copious amounts).
Of course, many people are pretty much the same no matter where they are. All of their pieces fit neatly together and work together to make a seamless transition from one situation to another. The fluctuations between different aspects of their personality are minor and normal in the grand scheme of things. They do not rage against each other and tear each other down.
Maybe one day I will achieve the balance I so desire between submission and rage. I hope everyone who needs to find their balance is successful and, in the meantime, that your worlds do not collide too ferociously.
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