From Goodes to Great

There are great players in very team. There are great leaders at every club. There are great supporters and great journalists and great triumphs of spirit. Sport, in and of itself, can be the greatest thing in the world - both to play and to watch. Regardless of your level, there is greatness to be found.

Sometimes the greatest players find themselves facing a barrage of unwarranted abuse. This year saw the culmination of an ongoing torrent of abuse levelled at one of the greatest AFL players of all time. People often think that bullying only happens in the school yard, or in corporate settings. This simply isn't true, and it affects people in very different ways.

This campaign of abuse began in 2013 with prominent Sydney Swans player, Adam Goodes, being abused by an opposition supporter. Many believed that his reaction was an overreaction. I do not. Many said that because she was 13, the opposition supporter didn't understand that it was racism to call an aboriginal an ape. Many said that he should not have pointed her out as he did. Many said he was arrogant, attention seeking and racist himself.

From this point on, Goodes was boo'd. At first, it was a minority of the opposition. By mid-season 2015, it was every team, every game, every time he touched the ball. While every excuse under the sun was raised as to why it was ok to boo a star of the game, the simple fact remained that at its root was racism, and that by continuing to boo for whatever other reason they were giving the racist somewhere to hide.

If we look at Goodes' achievements, they tell of a player who is not only good at what he does but greatly admired as well:

2003 and 2006 Brownlow Medalist (AFLs Best and Fairest), has also polled well in 5 other years, and polled votes every year bar one from 2001 through to 2015. This statistic seems to fly in the face of him being a dirty player who staged for free kicks, as many of us detractors would have you believe.

2005 and 2012 Premiership Player, as well as playing in every finals campaign with his team. This contradicts those people who claim he was having difficulty finding form.

2014 Australian of the Year. This award, one of the highest in the country, was awarded to him for his work in fighting racism and for the work he had done within the indigenous community to promote health and education for those in remote areas, or at a socio-economic disadvantage.

During Goodes' time as Australian of the Year he came under fire from the racist quarter who were confronted by their own intolerance. He called them out over the atrocious behaviour suffered by the indigenous population since the white settlement. He called them out over the ongoing abuse and discrimination faced by modern aboriginal people. He called them out over their bigotry. And so did the fans, especially after he chose to perform a dance he had been taught during the round specifically to celebrate indigenous culture.

It is this sort of misplaced vitriol that so many indigenous people must put up with. The "I'm not racist but ..." crowd all get their nickers in a twist because someone is proud AND outspoken about their heritage. It is the "uppity black man" who should pipe down and let the people who know nothing about aboriginal culture sort out the problems. It is the "loud and proud" indigenous people who should stop making such a fuss because white people don't carry on when they are called names. It is these same people who say, "Well, I don't boo Lewis Jetta so how can it be racist?"

Well, let me lay it out for you, very clearly:

- if you boo an black player for staging, but not any other player, it's probably racist.

- if you use the colour of someone's skin as an insult, it's definitely racist.

- if you object to black players bring proud of their heritage, it sounds like you're racist.

- if you continue to boo a player despite being told it's racist, my guess is you're racist.

This whole series of incidents surrounding Adam Goodes has shown just how far we, as a nation, have yet to go when it comes to indigenous affairs and racism generally. What it has also shown is that Adam is not just a great player, but a man of great integrity, great courage, great character and great humility.

Can we afford to be so ignorant that we would allow the racist minority to hold the cards? Can we not make out country as great as this one man, who has consistently shown a wisdom beyond his years and a maturity some never achieve? Can we instead teach our children, like the ones who were part of the wonderful painting below, that race is irrelevant in determining the worth of a person? Can we be proud Australians all together, regardless of colour or creed?

Frustrated and jealous but not unhappy

Sometimes I don't understand people. Well, maybe not sometimes. Maybe all the time.

How is it that you can be perfectly happy with 99% of your life:

- happy with your job

- happy with your hobbies

- happy with your child

- happy with your parents

But there's one thing you're not happy with:

- the lack of a romantic relationship.

It's not for a want of one. It's not for a lack of interest on my part. I just don't seem to be able to attract suitable partners. I've written about this previously. I won't bore you with the details. This isn't about my lack of a partner as such. It's more about other peoples reactions to my voicing my dissatisfaction with my lack of a partner.

There are a few standard reactions:

1. There's someone out there for everyone ...

Really? Even if it's true, will they reveal themselves to me before I am unable to have children? It's all very well saying there's someone for everyone but if I have to wait until I am 50 years old to meet them, how does that help me? How does that fulfil my desire to have a family?

2. Stop looking. They'll show up when you least expect it.

I look. I don't look. It makes no difference. In the end, I have given up looking. I may lament the fact I have no partner, no father to any children I might desire, but I have given up the search. So telling me to stop looking is pointless. As for showing up when I least expect it ... I never expect it so anytime is good, really.

3. You don't need a man to make you happy.

No, I don't NEED a man. I'd like one, though. I am perfectly happy with what I have. This doesn't mean I don't want more. It's like being happy in your job but wanting a promotion - you don't need the promotion to make you happy but you'd like one because it's more money, or a nicer desk, or a little more responsibility. Why can I not be happy with what I have and still desire something more? Is happiness now a finite resource?

4. You have a child.

This one bites the hardest. I hate it with every fibre of my being. I love my son but it's not the same type of love that I would have for a partner. Having a child is wonderful and I would not give it up for the world but having a child does not fill that small void.

I don't know. I guess people are trying to help. I think they don't know what to say and are just saying whatever inane thing comes into their head to try to make my feel better. I don't need someone else's false platitudes to make me feel better, though. I need to vent. I need to yell and scream and vociferate!

I recently had to take a break from social media for a few days due to the overwhelming desire to throw things at the screen. It was frustration and jealousy at play. Frustration at my own inability to maintain any sort of romantic relationship due to poor choices both in the men I subjected myself to and my own failings as a partner (not being self depreciating, just realistic). Jealousy at all the happy smiling people, many of whom I've known since childhood, who have succeeded where I have failed.

Maybe my standards are too high.

Maybe I don't put myself out there enough, or in the right places.

Maybe I'm not meant to be with someone right now.

Whatever the reason, it sucks. It really sucks and I hate it. But it doesn't mean I shouldn't desire that which I don't have and it certainly doesn't mean I'm unhappy.