Funny and Smart: The thinking person’s crumpet

If you ask most women what they think of as sexy you might get an array of answers to do with what physical attributes that they find attractive. You might also find answers that are less quantifiable, like the spark in their eye, the way they walk or even less specifically a je ne sais quoi. But do you know what’s really sexy? What really gets someone like me swooning? The brain.

Ok, not many people are going to find the actual brain sexy. That’s a fairly niche fetish. It’s more what comes out of the brain. The personality, the humour, the intellect – the way people use their brain is just about the sexiest thing you can have on this planet.

Now, everyone is different, some people will find one expression of the brain incredibly desirable, while someone else will find a completely different expression of the brain desirable. It’s just like physical attraction. There’s no right or wrong, but there are some more mainstream attractions than others.

The perennial question is the dinner party guest list, and who would be on it. The idea is to pick 5 people with whom you’d like to have dinner, disregarding location, age, or any other real-world limitations. So, I’m going to play a variation of this. I’m going to give a list of 10 men (being that I’m a cis hetero woman who literally couldn’t narrow down this list to without an great deal of angst) that I find incredibly smart, funny and, of course, sexy, and I am completely disregarding the fact that most of them (if not all) have a spouse.

So, let’s begin …

Craig Ferguson – If you've ever watched Craig as the host of "The Late Late Show" on CBS in America, you’ll know how sexy, and how funny, and how incredibly smart he is. While he’s had his ups and downs in his life, what has shone through is a quick wit and a huge amount of intelligence. His smarts cross multiple areas, from the concrete to the esoteric. He can wax lyrical about almost any subject, bringing a sense of humanity and a sense of humour to the discussion, along with a sexy Scottish accent and a killer twinkle in the eye.

Adam Rutherford – If you want someone who is properly smart, you can’t do better than someone with a PhD in genetics. Mix that with a wicked sense of humour and dashing good looks, and you have a downright sexy individual. I have often fallen asleep listening to one of Adam’s podcasts, not due to the boring nature of it, but due to the fact that I just can’t stop listening and 27 episodes later, it’s 3am and I am sound asleep, still listening to his brilliantly funny and smart take on all things science.

Sean Finegan – as one third of the comedy group “Foil Arms and Hog” his comedy credentials are clear, but dig a little deeper and you can clearly see the intelligence behind the comedy that he performs. There’s the ability to understand the human condition in a way that makes seeing the funny side of some quite serious ideas possible. And Sean’s terrifically easy on the eye. This heady mix, along with a delightful Irish accent, mean I could watch hours of his work and never get bored, or turned off.

Brian Cox – I fell for Brian before I knew he was a genius; I fell for him as a musician. Then he got even sexier by being smart, and not just smart, but astrophysicist smart. His show with Robin Ince, “The Infinite Monkey Cage” show off his humour, and his ability to laugh at himself. So many seriously smart people are seriously lacking in humour, but Brian is often happy to be the butt of the joke, and often his own joke. He’s the current pin up boy for scientists not just for his looks, smarts and other talents, but for the mix of these elements.

Tim Minchin – (finally an Australian on the list!) You could pick Tim up and put him into just about any situation and he’d not be out of place. He’s equally at home cracking a joke, singing a song, or discussing the meaning of life. His personality overflows with compassion and sincerity, and a desirability for more knowledge. The ability to weave these aspects of his self together and then implode them in such a charismatic manner is what make him so incredibly attractive.

Greg Jenner – for a history buff like me, Greg embodies everything that I wanted to be when I studied history at school and at university. He is (along with the rest of the very clever people responsible for “Horrible Histories”) the reason behind my son’s insatiable appetite for history. The fact that he is smart but also feels so approachable, especially to kids, makes him incredibly sexy. His ability to inject humour into some very dark aspects of history is to be commended, to the point we can even forgive him being a Spurs supporter.

Matt Parkinson – we know he’s smart because he’s an excellent quizzer on the TV show "The Chase." We know he’s funny because he’s a successful stand-up comic. So, does this mean he’s sexy? Yes, it does, and he is. Even when he’s trying to dispatch contestants, his cheekiness and sarcasm oozes out of him. He’s a commanding physical presence but it exudes charisma that draws you in. He’s the sexy school teacher all the mums drool over at the school gate, but better. He's got that meet-you-at-the-pub vibe playing off the not-out-of-place-at-a-fancy-cocktail-party vibe. Irresistible.

Russell Howard – comedians who can blend social responsibility and actual humour deserve all the medals. He might swear like a trooper but there’s a childlike innocence to the passion Russell brings to his comedy. It’s completely endearing. His mind is incredibly sharp and only the best political commentators can inject humour, and only the best comedians can bring a gravitas, yet Russell does both incredibly well. He will have you laughing, and crying, and laughing again, all the while your fantasising about having your way with him.

Ken Dutton-Regester – you might not have heard of Ken until right this second but, with the twitter handle of @the_funkydr to live up to, he’d want to have something going for him, and does he ever. He’s a Australian cancer researcher who uses his humour and good looks to engage with people about a serious subject. How is that not considered sexy? Being passionate about something is very sexy and being able to pass on that passion makes his even sexier. Plus, he’s pretty hot, anyway.

Jon Richardson – last but definitely not least on this dinner party list, Jon seems to find himself on lists of “blokes you're ashamed to admit you find sexy” or some variation of this, and I’m hear to tell you that there is no shame. Jon is intelligent. Most good comedians are. But if you’ve seen him on “8 out of 10 cats does countdown” you will know that he’s not just funny-smart, he’s smart-smart. He’s not what you would call traditionally handsome, but he is very cute. He has the boy next door attractiveness blended with that nerdy sexiness.

What have I learnt from this little exercise? I have a penchant for residents of the United Kingdom but I knew that already. Being multi-talented is a huge turn on but, again, I already knew that, too. Maybe I've learnt that you’re never too old to have a crush on someone, and that if more people aspired to be smart and funny, there’d be a lot more sexy people in the world, and the world would be better for it.